i had a greencard wedding. these are the types of things some people do in their twenties. anyway, it was the 22nd of the second 2002 and i was 22 years old. the groom was an old friend of mine and we took our vows in front of the fake fireplace in the marriage commissioner’s living room. i wore a cream faux fur vest, pencil skirt and what were then called f***k me boots. it was very classy. our witnesses were my platinum haired, leopard-print skirted girlfriend and an old friend of the groom’s who sported not only multiple piercings and a range of tattoos but also the most awesome handlebar sideburns you’ve ever seen. the wedding photo of the four of us is quite spectacular. like those ‘awkward family photos’ blogs. after the ceremony we went to the bar i worked at for our ‘reception’ where my boss asked me what our wedding song was. ‘we don’t have a wedding song, it’s a fake wedding’, i replied. ‘you have to have a wedding song’, she said. she disappeared off to the juke box and minutes later the bar started rocking out to our new wedding song, ‘what’s love got to do with it’.
and that’s how you have a fake wedding.